To always be loved, and never forgotten

Today would be my oldest brothers 25th Birthday. It is a day of celebration, and worldly sadness that we can not be celebrating this milestone with him. Death is an inevitable vicious monster that steals our beloved and leaves us lost and alone in this great big world with expectations to still uphold with a smile. The minute, days, months, and sooner than later years go by, everyone returns to their "normal" routine and life for them continues on as if nothing has changed. The outsider forgets that whatever was/is considered the norm for you will never again be "normal." A piece of you was buried on that day and will forever remain like a heart as an empty room. So hold onto to the ones you love, fight for them even at a distance, and never forget the moments together through good and the bad because there may come a day when the moments don't pass you by but merely stop. The only thing in this life that is certain is that time doesn't stop and change is inevitable with or without you dancing happily on the merry-go-round or crying the saddest tears of your life. With that being said don't miss the opportunity to tell someone you have always and will always love them and have never forgotten them. 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BUBBA C!   

To love sacrificial or superficial?

The pain, the tears, and the hurt stream down ones face as the reality of abandonment sets in. It's hard to fathom a world where you merely become just another face in the crowd to an audience that you once knew and were a reflection in their eyes. A world where people did not stand by your side for years and then vanish or leave you within seconds.
Though there is no comparison to Christ's death, there is empathy. As he hung "lifeless" on the cross the crowd that once followed him and adored him began to dissipate one after another until there were none left. Not once did he stop loving them even in his earthly abandonment. His mercy and grace is astonishing and yet beyond imagination. The awestricken realization that God sacrificed his son for the forgiveness of our sins will forever be engrained in ones mind. I am a perfectly flawed, imperfectly flawless individual who honestly deserves nothing and yet he is jealous for me and still wants me, unlike the individuals who said they would always love me and care about me, but didn't want me anymore and walked away. The same grace is extended to you as well.
In the sixth chapter of Luke we are called to love our enemies and hold no judgment. As 3:20am reclaims my consciousness daily. I am reminded to be graceful, not graceless and merciful, not merciless. Why? Because he loves me through all  the trials and triumphs, the afflictions, and pain. So I am quickly reminded I have no right to hold onto hurt, to judge, and I don't have time to maintain regrets because he was willing to give his life for all my unrighteous actions.
The Lord exemplifies a sacrificial love for you and I, unlike the superficial love experienced in our daily encounters and relationships. There is a difference in sacrificial love and superficial love. I am well aware many of us struggle with the concept of truly understanding or relating to a sacrificial love. It is a love that is shown through actions, not words. It is an experience that can never be compared or repaid. It is the individual who walks along side you through the transformation process, not behind you, not in front of you, and not completely away from you. Sacrificial love is not an idea of warm happy emotions, but a true intimate relationship that is loyal and encouraging even when the odds are against it.
I am hesitant to say that a plethora of people have experienced this in their lifetime with the amount of brokenness encountered in society today. We are a self indulged society that focuses on ourselves more than on the gift of truly serving others, yet Christ made the ultimate sacrifice and died for us. So as the reality of abandonment sets in, a peace overtakes ones soul to becoming perfectly content with being just another face to the average audience, but a beautiful bride to the one who loved.

Courageous vs. Cowardliness

"We were meant to be courageous." That statement applies in all aspects of life, yet it seems the older I get the more I encounter individuals who try to ignore or avoid confrontational issues instead of courageously confronting them. The devastating part of hiding from the issue is that it is unexplainably hurtful when the truth comes to light. Not only is it hurtful, but the individuals character, reputation, and respect has been damaged. No one wins in the midst of lies, denial, and avoidance, but many hearts are splintered and trust is shattered into micro-pieces on the floor.
A lie is "a false statement with deliberate intent to deceive; an impostor of the truth." Jesus didn't live a non-confrontational, hidden, and quiet lifestyle and he did not call his people to either. So I ask you this, are you being a courageous witness that is uplifting the kingdom of Christ or a cowardly individual falsifying and justifying your actions to satisfy your worldly desires? 
No one is perfect not even myself, but who and what is leading your life? Because if it isn't a godly character and action then you have fallen to deception and bondage"...a man is a slave to whatever has mastered him." 2 Peter 2:19
It is not easy to be courageous and confront a situation, because from the very beginning of time we have faced this challenge. Eve was clearly deceived by Satan's native language of lies. His intent is to promise to fulfill our desires and once we have taken the bait we are found guilty of giving birth to sin and Satan achieving his goal. 
So when situations seem satisfying and fulfilling, but there is an inability to boldly face them I would encourage you to stand on biblical principles and "flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart. Have nothing to do with foolish ignorant controversies." 2Tim. 2:22-23 Keep your distance from the cultural voice that seeks to tempt you and speak justification into actions that do not uplift one another as courageous brothers and sisters in Christ, but merely avoid and deny the cross altogether. 

Build Bridges, not walls

I find it interesting the amount of people I encounter daily with the same number one flaw as I myself is guilty of continually battling. Vulnerability seems like such a far fetched idea and extremely scary concept that we miss out on the joys in life both big and small. 

After posting a fb status update this morning "Positive fact for the day...learn to build bridges, not walls" and a blog from convergemagazine "single and not waiting" I have been overwhelmed with social likes, multiple private emails, and a couple of text messages from individual who are fighting the same battle, vulnerability and forgiveness. 

I have found in my 27 years on this earth the Lord has never left, but has always been my best friend standing beside high on the mountain tops and down in the deep valleys. The vulnerability and faith in God is much different than with the tangible individuals present in our journey of life. It wasn't until recently that I realized I had been building walls instead of bridges in my relationships, and I am still guilty of doing so as I sit here and write this blog. The one thing that I can say is different though is the that we all have to recognize that you have to build those bridges and tear down the walls or you lose really good people in your world or just flat out miss out on them. Now don't get me wrong, I am not saying that I it is easy, because I feel like my hammer is broken, but I keep telling myself the Lord didn't call us to live out of a spirit of fear, but of joy and sound mind. So you and I both have to let people in and give them a chance. The only action and emotion you can control is you own because the reality of it is that more than likely the other individual is fighting the same fight. At what point will you both be willing to stand together and take on the enemy together? 

It's scary to let them in, even more terrifying to let them back in and give people the chance to hurt you again, but I feel like the thought of not giving the individuals a chance would be even more devastating. So when you come to the point in your life where you can say ok I want off this viscous cycle and I know I am guilty of hurting others because ultimately actions and reactions stem from emotions of hurt that is when you know your hammer is working and the bridges are being built instead of walls. 

I would encourage all to be vulnerable and communicate in detail all that you feel because God doesn't call us to a live a life of comfort. He has called us to live a life of discomfort, because when we are in discomfort that means God is in the middle of it. He is the best friend that always wants you and desires to be right next to you tearing down the walls and building the bridges. 

Thank you to all of the individuals who were bold enough to be vulnerable with me today. Without your courage to address the fears in your world, I wouldn't have been inspired to write this blog today. 

What are the wounds of the story?

As we are faced with continual disappointment and tragedy in our lives we are forced to make decisions on how to handle such.With a growing number of decisions being made on superficial emotions it is becoming more evident that society has forgotten that it is ok to be hurt, in pain, or wounded. Society has also forgotten the suffering Jesus endured for you and I because he loved us, he wanted us, and he adored us. He literally went to hell and back for you and I. It is an image of a groom willing to walk through and endure the worst of the worst to rescue his bride. 
Jesus has endured that for all of us, but we are so quick to hold anger and resentment towards him or even better completely disregard his presence.
In a world filled with continual put downs, disappointments, exceedingly high standards it is no wonder we struggle with acceptance and shame with eyes turned downward. "These walls are funny, first you hate them, then you get use to them, and eventually you depend on them." As our story unfolds it is turned from adolescent innocence to matured lack of confidence. Somewhere, at some point the story of happiness encounters tragedy and wounds enter the heart. 
You begin to question your happiness, your safety, your peace, yourself, and even sometimes your relationship with others. You feel as though you can't tell up from down and nothing you do or say is valued, because "shame has taken away your face and your presence."
So I sit here and ask you this, what is the name to your pain? Presence is so powerful. A sense of love, acknowledgement, and security is built into presence. Once you are able to give a name to your pain, whether it be guilt, pain, disappointment, acceptance, abuse, shame, ect. You will see that the doors you have kept closed to your heart begin to open. No one forces you to open those doors and tear down the walls that you have grown to depend on, but Jesus is patiently waiting for you because he loves you and is willing to meet you there. John 5:1-6 is a beautiful example of Jesus' willingness to wait for you and allow you to make the decision. As you stand in the midst of a battle field trying to dress the wounds know with a confident heart that the gospel can heal them, but only if you are willing. Embrace the the terrified heart and hold onto the thrill of life that is waiting ahead for you. Do not let shame paralyze you, but let the wounds become scars to a beautiful story unfolding before you.  




"enter into, and to live, and to suffer your story. Not just the story of the future, but the story of the past." Jonathan Denhartog

A blink of a second, a phone call, a text message

It takes only a second, a blink of an eye, a phone call, a flash of light, a word, a text message, an action, a stroke, a heart attack, a crash,or merely just nothing for your life to drastically change without ever taking into consideration how you feel about the situation or the impact it will have on you. The hard faced truth of reality is that people will walk into your life for a reason that we may not even know, and in a split second, a phone call, a text message, a crash...will walk out of your life. 

 As I have recently been faced with multiple trails in this life in short time frame my eyes have been open to the disconnect between individuals, true support, vulnerability, and emotions one faces. As I stood in the midst of people young and old last night the pain of emotional terror was evident on the faces, but the tears were kept to a minimum. One female said, "sorry I left the vigil early, I didn't want anyone to see me crying." Another young man said, "She was my best friend and I feel terrible because I just can't let myself cry." I am as guilty as all those who have fallen to the emotional disconnect, pride, or "strength" of withholding we have been trained to appear in a moment or turmoil, grief, and sorrow.  
The truths of society and reality have collided with no biblical backing in this century and we are faced with situations that lack the true knowledge of how to be open, honest, and vulnerable with people, but instead to be callous, empty, hollow, and smashing the emotions as deep as we possibly can to the roots of our souls. Society has trained one to be filled with pride, "Don't cry," "you're week if you cry," "Only the weak show emotion," and I could continue on for days, but the shortest verse in the Bible with such profound truth is 
John 11:35 "JESUS WEPT." Our society has trained us not to be vulnerable and when we are our emotions and feelings are quickly alienated and discredited.
It is ok to cry, it is ok to feel pain, it is ok to be angry, it is ok to feel emotion, and it is more than ok to be honest and to show it and share that with someone. The truth is that in order to be 100% real with people you have to be willing to let them be present and share the entire journey with them, walking through the good and the bad together with encouragement not discouragement guiding you both along the way.
Life is to short to live with regret, and in a blink of a moment someone special could become a mere memory(whether still living or deceased) and your life will be changed forever. Live with no regrets, love with all that you have, and make sure to let your heart break from the inside out so that others can experience the truths of vulnerability and you can be set free of being captive to the societal battle of emotions. The word of God is written on our hearts, until they are broken and the words fall in. Let your heart break publicly  not pridefully behind closed doors, in a bathroom, in a closet, but with others who can love and support you in the midst of the crisis. And always know you are not alone, because JESUS WEPT too.
BE THE CHANGE TO THE CHAIN REACTION! and always humble yourself to show your love for others, never let anyone leave your life without them at least knowing that you love them for the perfections and imperfections, it only takes a blink of a second, a phone call, a text message and then they are gone.

Never Alone

After almost ten years it never gets any easier. As time continues moving forward and holidays come and go I find myself identifying with the christmas character Scrooge. "taken but yet alone" is what best sums it up. The internal war attempts to consume my thoughts as I fight off the ideas of "what's wrong with me?" "why am I spending another holiday alone?" "I am sure I wouldn't have fun anyways". The bottom line is, there is nothing wrong with me, I AM NEVER ALONE, and I can have fun no matter where I am at or who I am with. The Lord has never left me or forsaken me. Instead of wasting time on worldly emotional hurts of feeling alone, one must focus on their true purpose and who has never left them ever. I can't promise the feelings or thoughts will cease, but ones character and self esteem strengthen in order to fight without fear of losing. Matt Redman clearly defines the comfort we must find to undoubtedly know we are truly never alone. "Standing on this mountain top Looking just how far we've come Knowing that for every step You were with us Kneeling on this battle ground Seeing just how much You've done Knowing every victory Is Your power in us Scars and struggles on the way But with joy our hearts can say Yes, our hearts can say Never once did we ever walk alone Never once did You leave us on our own You are faithful, God, You are faithful Never once did we ever walk alone Never once did You leave us on our own You are faithful, God, You are faithful You are faithful, God, You are faithful Scars and struggles on the way But with joy our hearts can say Never once did we ever walk alone Carried by Your constant grace Held within Your perfect peace Never once, no, we never walk alone Never once did we ever walk alone Never once did You leave us on our own You are faithful, God, You are faithful Every step we are breathing in Your grace Evermore we'll be breathing out Your praise You are faithful, God, You are faithful You are faithful, God, You are faithful" In return we must be still and know in our hearts that he is faithful so in return we must also believe and be faithful.