Over the past couple of months I have been asked the million dollar question, "why aren't you married yet?" Or better yet encountered statements like, "I can't believe you aren't taken," "I just can't get over the fact you aren't married and don't have kids," "you're amazing and unique how is it possible you are single," and the list continues to spiral quickly. I just stand there in bewilderment quickly trying to think of a polite way to respond to such a ludicrous question or statement without coming off as a hypocritical, judgmental, stuck up snob. In the world we live in today it is considered rare and weird for a 29yr. female to be attractive, successful, and single evidently. It is even more mind blowing for people to believe that you have the ability to be a model, athlete, selfless, nice, and independent all while still valuing your self-worth and integrity.
After days of thinking about these questions and being encouraged by the young ladies I mentor, the answer came! It isn't that I am single, it is merely the fact I am not settled. I am not so caught up in the norms of this world to conform into an individual I wasn't fearfully and wonderfully created to be. I have an amazing relationship and an incarnate love with someone who loves every broken, imperfect piece of me enough to show me just how wonderful I am and just exactly how much my worth is. I would be lying if I said I don't get lonely sometimes, but I would rather embrace this season of life than another.
I would rather be single, than the abused and neglected wife lying on the cold tile as the black tears make their way to the puddle collecting below. I would rather be single, than the girl who struggles with self esteem, value, and worth because she chose to date someone who refused to provide mental, physical, and spiritual security and most importantly I would rather be single, than give up my morals and beliefs. I have watched several friends marry and divorce over the years and the one thing every single one of them give me as advice is, a relationship should be built on a foundation in Christ.
By no means am I perfect, I am one of the closest people to imperfect as they come. I have spent many years repairing and remolding myself into a lady with strength to stick up for what I believe in. Every tear I have cried, moment I have asked "what's wrong with me?" and degrading "compliments" I have received have been worth it. Each time I have been turned down for a date, not invited to the party, or just flat out been made fun of only makes the RIGHT time just that much more meaningful and special. To actively wait for someone to write love on my spirit and heart instead of my body is worth every second, especially when you think in terms of forever as opposed to four minutes.
So the next time you feel the need to ask someone why he/she is single, state the obvious to them, or make fun of them, maybe instead you should congratulate them for not conforming to the norm or settling for society's sake. Merely look them in the eyes and say, " thank you for being the influence, and not the influenced." Thank you for representing single versus settled.
